People think having anxiety means you should be in a mental institution or heavily medicated. However, there are many people that walk Earth, that have anxiety, and handle their day-to-day lives rather well.
Those kinds of people are diagnosed (for lack of a better word) as having a highly functioning anxiety disorder.
Now, I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, nor have I ever been to therapy for it. I am not here today to talk to you about what anxiety is like for every single person on this planet (that would be impossible), but I am here to let you walk a mile in my shoes.
I am a highly functioning individual. I have the capabilities to paint a smile on my face and hide my emotions to an extent that probably isn’t very normal.
My anxiety rises up in, sometimes, the most inconvenient times, and a lot of the time when I am alone.
Take today for instance. I went to church with my lovely husband, we had a great time, and afterwards we went to lunch together. I felt fine.
Fast forward a few hours, he goes to work, and I am home alone with Tali (the Corgi).
In sets the anxiety.
-I start thinking about graduating in a couple weeks.
-Then I think about not having a job lined up.
-Next I start looking for jobs in neighboring states.
-Not finding any, I start to panic and wonder what the housing is like.
-All the houses in these cities are super expensive and the jobs don’t even match to what you’d have to pay for a mortgage.
-What if I can’t even buy a house? We’d have to rent. We have a cat and a dog, whose gonna let us live with pets?
-I look at renting prices…. All the houses are at least 1k or more. We can’t afford that.
It’s this process over and over and over and over….
My brain goes in circles of panic, doubt, self-worth, and self-doubt, until I either break down and cry, or find some way to pull myself out of it.
It’s a pile of quicksand that doesn’t relinquish control. It pulls you further and further until you can’t breath or find your way out.
It happens to the most seemingly ‘normal’ people.
When I am at work, the person I show to my boss, my co-workers, and my customers, is not the person who has these problems when she goes home.
People look at me and don’t see what’s in my head (thank goodness, for multiple reasons). We only see what’s on the outside of a person.
Mental disorders are hidden, sometimes they’re hidden too well.
I guess what I really want you to take away from this is that not everyone you meet is ‘normal.’ We all have demons we don’t let out in the open. Things that we don’t share.
I’d like to say I have a grasp on my anxiety. I know it isn’t severe. It was a lot worse when I was younger, I learned to deal with it on my own.
I am not looking for pity or congratulations, I want people to be aware.
Just because I look ‘normal’ (whatever that means) on the outside, doesn’t mean I am not suffering on the inside with a constant battle between myself and myself.
People struggle with constant battles every single day, sometimes you just can’t see