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Not only have my parents been divorced since right after I graduated high school but they have divorced two times before that, remarried each time, and left one another numerous times in between. It was crazy.
Most children experience their parents divorce, the parents stay divorced, and then eventually remarry to other people which causes the child to have step family members.
Divorce is confusing, a struggle for the children, and a complete mess. I don’t care who you are, divorce sucks.
There are some good and bads that can come from divorced parents. I am going to lean on there being more bad but that depends on the child and the parents. My experience with it is more bad than good, however at my age now I can understand and respect my parents decisions. Did they handle each one well? Um, no, but that doesn’t mean every mom and dad will.
Lets do the bad first, okay?
5 Worst Effects of Divorce on Children
- The child (children) see less of at least one parent. Someone has to be the one to provide the home, the food, clean laundry, and make sure the homework is done. Most of the time it is the mom but sometimes it happens to fall to the dad. But at least one parent gets to see their children less.
- The child (children) might fear love or marriage itself. I remember telling my high school best friend that I didn’t believe in love or marriage and that neither were for me… Annnnnnd I got married at twenty. But hey I am still happily married.
- The fighting doesn’t stop. Some children may experience their parents continue to fight even after the divorce and dust has settled. My parents stopped, for the most part. The house became quiet and it was kind of nice. No more walking on eggshells (not literally).
- Some children may believe that the divorce was caused because of them. At no point should any child feel like this. If mom and dad are going their separate ways then they should make sure that the kid knows it wasn’t their fault. Mom and dad have some issues that they can’t get past/we hate each other/dad or mom is a jerk (don’t use this one)/or just deciding that staying married isn’t in the best interests of either party. Be honest with your children. Talk to them.
- Children can become traumatized from the divorce. I have no idea if I was traumatized or maybe still am, who knows? I know that every time it happened it felt like the first time. Confusing, sad, difficult. Parents are supposed to be together forever, right?
5 Best Effects of Divorce on Children (this is a thing, right?)
- The fighting stops. This is what happened with my parents. The daily arguing ended and there were peaceful dinners with casual conversation rather than listening to an argument in the other room. I was just a kid each time or eventually had a job, so the quiet dinners were only something I enjoyed as a kid.
- The child (children) may get the opportunity to become closer to mom or dad. After my father left when I was sixteen I grew to really like my mom. I went through the whole disliking my parents thing but after seeing her after he left… I don’t know. I just liked her more after that. I can thank those couple of years for the relationship I have with her now. (If you read this mom, I love you).
- Some children may become more empathetic, knowledgeable, gain Emotional Intelligence, become independent, or become a higher achiever. It may be that some kids are more prone to these already. Who knows if divorce is the cause. I became most of these but it could have been my temperament from the very beginning. This article discusses how some kids may benefit from divorce, Benefits of Being a Child of Divorce.
- The child (children) may learn that it is OKAY to leave someone you’re not happy with or causes you harm. By doing this you could be instilling confidence in your child (children). Instead of thinking they have to stick with a relationship, even if it is making them unhappy, they can leave with a happy heart and clear mind.
- For the children who grew up or are in a house with an abusive parent or are not able to live a childhood correctly due to their home life, divorce is a great answer. Some get to escape that life through divorce or separation at the very least. I am fortunate enough to not have dealt with that but others are not as fortunate as I have been.
Nothing about divorce is cut and dry, there will always be complications, sadness, and tears when it comes to divorce. Sometimes it is for the best (especially if mom and dad handle it correctly) but often times it is a struggle.
Parents should take the time to go through this article to see how they can be of more help to their children through the transition of having parents together and then not.