The Chewing Issue

Okay, we are finally at the post I have been wanting to do the last couple of days. Thank you for your patience!

Have you ever met someone whose eating or chewing habits absolutely drove you insane? Like you visualized yourself beating their face into the ground due to your strange hatred with the way they ate? Well, this post is for you.

I have come to the realization that the way people chew just irks me sometimes. I do NOT understand how anyone can chew their food or drink and make SO MUCH NOISE.

Seriously, did you wake up today and think “OOH I am gonna smack this bagel around in my mouth just because I can.” You sir/lady are going to die by the time you are 25 if that is the way you wake up, because someone like me will murder you with a big fat grin on their face.

Now we aren’t talking about the people who eat with their mouths gaping because we can all agree that it is rude and disgusting.

I have actually nicknamed a girl in one of my classes for what she eats and how she eats.

It drives me up the friggin wall.

This sums it all up for me.

 

Not that you care but I got to class a bit late the other day and she had already eaten and I WAS SO HAPPY! It kind of made my morning. THANK YOU for eating before I got here.

Anyhoo, so chewing… How do they even make those noises? I mean it is a mixture of smacking, knowing, and slobbering all at the same time. Maybe these people need awards for most annoying eating habits. I have met some who are actually married. OH NO! What if there spouse eats the SAME WAY and they procreate? The world would become corrupted by loud annoying eaters.

So this picture below really brings up a great question….

Eating meme

I mean really, how do you ask this?

“Er excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but could you please STOP CHEWING LIKE A FRIGGIN MANIAC???!!!!”

There is no nice way to say that to a person who is munching on a snack.

Side note, the gum chewing. Not the normal mouth-closed-chewing but the mouth-open-smacking-spit-flying-chewing…. Just stop.

Do you not realize how dumb you look?

Now this all may sound VERY rude and judgmental, of me, to you  but I am entitled to my opinion of things that irk me.

So the next time you are in a quiet room, going to the bank, the store, or go inside a convenience store remember to not chew your food like you are never going to eat again or your gum like it is trying to escape your jaws.

Have a happy noise free week! *Hats off to you*

Feel like reading a story? Then check out my other blog for some fun fanfiction! Click here. My husband, Falcon509, writes video game reviews. You can read them here!

 

Seeking Adventure

I am going to skip over the post I wanted to do next for one regarding adventure… I probably won’t make you laugh on this one. Sorry (no I’m not).

Do you ever get the feeling that you need adventure?

I have played several Role Playing Games that involve characters who go out exploring new and strange worlds. Games such as Mass Effect or Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion give me a sense of adventure.

I often find myself gravitating back to those games because adventure doesn’t really exist in real life. I mean we wake up, eat the same bland breakfast (or nothing at all), go to work (same boring job), come home, eat dinner (or don’t), and go to bed…

Same.

Damn.

Thing.

So that leaves us with video games. I mean you can pop in Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones (if you like to mix BEWBS with adventure) to get that fix OR you can play an RPG.

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt are three games that really kick the adventure craving in the ass. So much so that I really do have to play it just to get a fix.

Now don’t go around telling people that I am some crazed video game addict, that just isn’t true. I just get bored with life. You know, the same shit every single day kind of life. I also have to point out that my husband isn’t a bore to me. We laugh, and joke, and have good fun, but we have been married for a minute which means there isn’t much adventure. AND who can afford to take vacations just because whenever they get a wild hair? Not I.

Video games are the answer to all of your adventure seeking needs.

In Oblivion you can kill whatever jackass insults your race or because he/she looked at you funny. You can also spend hours and hours and hours and hours (you get the point) running around the vast map doing whatever you want. This one is my favorite just because the music was badass, the scenery was gorgeous, and the Thieves Guild missions were freakin epic! (DUH)…

Skyrim also gives you hours of roaming around. The scenery is more bleak and the guild Oblivion meme.pngmissions are nearly as gnarly. BUT it is fun and you can kill dragons. SOOOOOOOO, yeah.

I wish that there was a closet I could walk through and be teleported to whatever world or galaxy I so wished. Now, upon teleporting I would also want to be given awesome armor, skills, and money so I wouldn’t die (dying sucks).

I would visit the Mass Effect world just to travel on the Normandy and say “HI” awkwardly to Garrus just to see if he would say it back. Siggghh..

AND I would travel to Oblivion so that I could become a Master Thief and steal EVERYTHING… Because I can’t get away with it in real life.

I would die within five minutes of being teleported to the world of The Witcher. Not kidding.

So, what worlds would you travel to and why?

Goodbye peeps. Have a great weekend!

Wanna read something else that I have written? Click here and read some Oblivion fanfiction! I also have a hubby that does video game reviews. Click here to view them!

The Gurgling Tummy

Imagine yourself in the office or in class surrounded by co-workers or strangers and you hear the all too familiar sound of the gurgling tummy.

At first you think, “Oh gosh I hope that wasn’t me.” And then you are looking around for the culprit because everyone knows when a tummy gurgles that the whole room looks around to see whose tummy it was.

During these moments I want to ignore the awkward pause and looksee’s and just raise my hand and say, “Sorry peeps, that was mine.”

It-Was-Me-Jim-Carrey-Liar-Liar

Kind of like when someone farts and everyone knows that SOMEONE in the group did it but no one is calling dibs… Man, just own it. We all fart and we all get the gurgling tummy. Such is life, am I right? *Insert meme of laughing awkward guy*

Back to the gurgling tummy. I feel it is almost necessary to have a snack of some kind, multiples here people, to give to the gurgling tummy person or to prevent my own embarrassment.

*Tummy gurgles* I jump up and say “I AM HERE FOR THE RESCUE! EAT MY SNACK AND AVOID AWKWARD LOOKSIES!”

In my daydreams I always come to the rescue with food. I mean that’s just what women do, right? Right?!

Now that we are on women’s roles, why do people always assume we have certain stuff hiding out in our purses? I don’t always carry wet wipes or kleenexs. Just because I am the next woman you know who is gonna pop a baby out does not mean that I am completely prepared to mommy you. However, let me take care of the string you have coming off your shirt. And tie your shoes, damn it!

So, the gurgling tummy. Interesting enough shortly after starting this post my next class started. I was minding my own business whilst working on my assignment when I heard it. The chick next to me had been affected by the gurgling syndrome. Lucky for her I did not perform a looksee. I let her hug her tummy in frustration that it would not stop growling at her. I felt bad, I had no snacks to give. It isn’t my fault that she came to class before lunch without any snacksies of her own. I mean what was she thinkin?!

So ladies and gents make sure that you bring along your snacksies to fight off the evil gurgling tummy… Good day and good night!

 

Go check out my other blog (Oblivion fanfiction)  and what my husband is working on (video game reviews)!