When We Have Insecurities

What happens when you feel insecure, self-conscious, or a bit more introverted than normal?

You panic.

Your hands get sweaty.

And you don’t go through with whatever you were doing because… reasons.

Our extrovert friends have no idea what this feels like or why we don’t wanna go hang out because we would rather build a fort out of blankets and hide from society all weekend. Just please leave me alone.

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No means no, am I right?

With these feelings of insecurities comes the potential risk we take in missing out on a great event or having a lot of fun. But we try not to worry about that too much. When we feel like our social fueltank is high enough, we promise to engage in a fun activity… We just need to be home by 9:00, okay?

I remember entering my first few months of adulthood and having to go shop at Wal-Mart… Alone.

Even to this day when I walk into that giant store I feel insecure and unsure of myself. I walk as quickly as I possibly can, I avoid eye contact unless it is a seemingly nice old lady, and I get out as soon as I can… Or I go to the book section and calm down. But even then someone sees me over there and thinks they should also browse the books and stand too close. Get away from me!

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I have never been the one to reach out my hand to a stranger and introduce myself. Nope, I will wait for you to introduce yourself and extend your hand first.

This doesn’t mean that having insecurities, being introverted or self-conscious means that I am an antisocial person. Not at all. I can be very social and engaging. With a comfortable group of friends, family or my husband, I can be somewhat outgoing and fun. Yeah it lasts for about two hours before I start to feel like I should go home and build that blanket fort, but at least I went outside.

But as I was saying before, none of this means I am anti-social. I will happily help you get an item from the top shelf and then make a joke out of it, but not for very long. I am too good at the whole shuffle-away-from-conversation-so-I-can-make-a-break escape scenario. Too often I find myself doing this and the other person just doesn’t understand. Let me flee!!!

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I don’t like germs. I don’t like big crowds. I don’t like small talk. I don’t like shaking hands. I don’t like talking about myself.

If the conversation spans for more than five minutes at Wal-Mart and you keep edging closer to me, don’t feel offended when I make a lame excuse to leave your ass behind in the cereal aisle. You just don’t get it.

My mom, bless her, has always had a habit of talking to complete strangers¬† in Wal-Mart when I was little and then acted like I was crazy when I would be like, “MOM YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” Which she was probably right. Probably. I can remember being absolutely horrified that she would strike up a random conversation with someone she didn’t know. We would always ask her afterward, “Mom, did you know that person?” She would reply with an innocent, “No,” and question it no further. I love that woman. She is so brave.

Insecurities, introvertedness, and self-consciousness are not signs of being antisocial. They are signs of a person who would rather run away from a conversation than engage. Again, leave me alone. IF you see me in Wal-Mart, smile, wave, say hello, and move on. I am not there to say Good Day to my fellow shoppers but to shop. Gasp.

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And before you go around saying that introverts are psychopaths or weird, remind yourself that everyone is unique and capable of being a little different than you. We have bigger numbers than you realize. So the next time you extroverts think it is okay to flag an introvert down in Wal-Mart, don’t. Wave, say hello, and go about your merry way. We will like you far more for doing that than stopping to talk about your children who have the flu.

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Liebster Award Nomination

We are in the same boat when you ask, “What is a Liebster Award?” I have no idea.

Or well, I didn’t until my husband sent me a link and had me read it and then wrote his own Liebster Award post where he then tagged me… So here I am.

My husband had an elaborate story to tell about how he got involved with this award business, I do not. Sorry. He has nominated me because (I asked him to. I wanted to answer his questions cuz he was bound to come up with at least one that would be in reference to me) he likes to torture me (non-sexual manner here people, get your minds out of the gutter).

My husband writes the Falcon Reviews blog, you can check it out here, which involves a lot of video game talk. He writes reviews on the games that he has been playing and writes other bits about information he has on future games or game-related information. Sometimes the stuff goes right over my head. But that is only a small portion of what he writes, everything else is super awesome. He has a fantastic way of writing exactly what he is thinking and can formulate his thoughts in an easy to understand way. I mean he spends like two weeks on each post so he doesn’t get nearly as distracted mid-thought as I do. But seriously, you should go check out what he writes. Thank you sweetie for giving me this award! ūüôā

Liebster Award

My wonderfully articulate husband described it as a blogger award where one blogger awards another blogger for their fantastic blogging blog skills (Maybe those were my words).

Following the rules

I have to follow the rules and write about a blog I read and I enjoy. To be honest I don’t spend nearly enough time looking at other’s blogs or even writing my own. I get distracted remember? But one that I have found amusing and entertaining is that of developing dad. He writes about the struggles and enjoyments of being a parent and everything that comes along with being a dad. He has a way of telling a story, whether it be of his life present, past, or future and about his children, that really captivates me. He paints a picture for his audience to be able to see and understand. So thank you, developing dad, for entertaining me and everyone else who reads your blog.

Let’s move on.

Now follows the section where I answer (or attempt to answer) the questions that my husband came up with.

Why did you start writing? 

Easy, because I wanted to better myself as a writer. I have known for a little over a year that I wanted to start writing and telling stories. However, I knew I needed to get better in order to accomplish this newfound goal. So, here I am. I actually started out on the Google blogging site, Blogspot, but I didn’t have the control I wanted over it and tracking visitors wasn’t as precise as it is here. WordPress forever.

If you had a month off to do whatever you wanted and a budget for it, what would you do?

I would spend the entire month traveling (with my sexy husband) and write my novel in various awesome places. I would definitely go to Europe, Hawaii, Canada (I know, weird), and New Zealand. Never Australia… Australia is on the top of my never-visit-this-place-list. No kidding.

Do you have a hobby? What do you do? 

He was specific in asking us (me and his other nominees) to not include gaming because duh. I LOVE reading. I have spent my summer, among other things, reading books. I told him that I wanted to read a lot this summer and so far I am accomplishing that goal. I love writing my blog and have recently started writing my novel that has been stuck in my brain for over two years. Those are the two biggest hobbies that I do and they include sitting on my rear end…. This is why I am not bikini ready.

If you could live in a fictional world, where would you live? 

I am having a difficult time with this one, so I will give several places. I would live in the Mass Effect universe because I love space, planets, aliens, and spaceships. I love the games because they are so much more than anything else we have been able to experience as gamers. Also, it is just AWESOME! Moving on. I would also enjoy living in the Elder Scrolls world. I would die almost immediately because some Dark Brotherhood jerk would murder in my sleep and steal my sweetrolls. However, Oblivion is my favorite because it is FABULOUSLY beautiful. In my head the music would still play as I explored :). Lastly, I would want to live in the Mortal Instruments world. Mostly because I love the idea of Warlocks, Demons, and various other creatures actually existing and there being some super badass dudes and chicks kicking their stupid faces out of our world.

What inspires you? 

My husband. I will elaborate but if you knew me in the real world than you would understand. My husband has made me into the woman I am today. Now I know my parents had a bit to do with that but I have grown in every way (even out) since meeting him. He is the reason I am starting my novel, he is the reason I am going back to school, he is the reason I don’t give up everyday, he is the reason I am writing this right now. He is the reason I do anything in this life because without him I would be nothing.

What is your favorite show/movie/video game/play/mime?

My favorite show is hands down Bones. I have loved the show since one of my high school friends introduced me to it. There hasn’t been an episode that I have hated and the show has created numerous moments full of feels. I cry all of the time during this show.

When I think of my favorite movie I have to think of one that I could watch over, and over, and over (you get the idea) without getting tired of it. So although I am a big Star Wars fan, though I love Star Trek, and although I love romantic comedies, I have to go with Pirates of the Caribbean. I have watched this movie numerous times, I know most of the lines, and I have yet to be bored with it (maybe I will watch it this week while my husband has evening shifts).

Favorite video game is most definitely Mass Effect (the first one). The story is expansive, the exploration is beautiful, and the characters are in depth. Love. It.

Play? I think he was kidding when he wrote that bit but I will humor him. I recently read Everyman for a college course. I have read others and I am sure most people would answer some kind of Shakespeare play but Everyman is my favorite. It fits too well with the world and society we live in right now.

What type of humor do you have? Dry/dark/saucy.

Definitely dry humor. I use sarcasm more often than I probably should and I would be lying if I said it didn’t get me into trouble sometimes… Not sorry.

Do you prefer iPhones, Android, or Windows phone?

I currently have a Windows phone, then I am going with that. I enjoy using the tiles, I am a fan of Microsoft products, and I love Groove Music.

What is something you collect?

I collect ladybugs. I mean ladybug stuff not the actual bug (though I pick them up whenever I see them!). I love, love, love ladybugs, like a bunch. I plan on decorating at least one room in my someday house in ladybug decor.

The second thing I collect are books. Along with collecting them I am clearly reading them but I will never dispose of my beloved books. They’re fantastic stories that allow me to escape real life and live in different worlds imagined by other writers. There isn’t much better than getting lost in a book.

If you could change something in your past at the cost of your current life, would you?

No. Not even something that I would even consider. My past has led me to my life now which is vastly different in the best ways. Why would I want to give up some of my favorite stuff for changing something in my past?

Ten random facts about me

  1. I am the youngest of six children.
  2. I was born in a bathtub in a house that I spent 14 years of my life in (the bathtub was there the entire time).
  3. I am a control freak… Don’t judge, I am working on it.
  4. I hate drama but I am good at starting it… So unfortunate when it comes to Social Media.
  5. I don’t like people who think they’re better than everyone else, it makes my blood boil.
  6. I am blunt but try really hard to hold back, especially with customers (duh).
  7. My favorite number is seven and my husband just so happens to be the seventh man I dated (lucky, huh?).
  8. I am currently writing a novel (yay!! You can read the first chapter here).
  9. I am, finally, wisdomtoothless (ouchy).
  10. I was homeschooled until we moved to town at 14, at which point I enrolled into the 8th grade in middle school (hated middle school).

My nominations

Developing Dad

Pattimouse 

Deidra Alexander

Dissonance- The Chaos Pardigm

Seven Florins

Libby Cole

Akashanjaan

The Rules-

  1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you.
  1. Display the award on your blog
  1. Write a post about your favorite blog that is not your own. Explain why you like the blog, provide links.
  1. Provide 10 random facts about yourself.
  1. Nominate 5 ‚Äď 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award.
  1. List these rules in your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to:
  1. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post or mine if you don’t have all the information so that they can learn about it.

Now it’s your turn

Time for you to answer my ten questions (insert maniacal laugh).

1. What is your favorite book?

2. What did you want to be when you grew up? 

3. If your house catches fire, what do you grab on your way out? 

4. Who is the person most responsible for not only the person you are today, but who has pushed you to be you? 

5. List five things that inspire you (person, place, book, movie, show, etc.).

6. What is your favorite dessert and why? 

7. Why are you here today? 

8. What makes you get up in the morning? 

9. If you could raise ONE person from the dead to tell them ONE thing, who and what would it be? 

10. If you could buy something you greatly desire or create peace between people, which would you choose? 

This took me several days to come up with.

I hope you enjoy participating in this little assignment as much as I did! Have a fantastic day!

Boss Vs. Leader

There are many infographics depicting the differences between a boss and a leader. There are articles too if you want to read up on the differences versus looking at pictures.

If there is one thing that humanity has that is the same (besides normal bodily… stuff) it is that we all have a boss, a manager, a supervisor, or whatever word you wanna describe the person who has a higher rank than you do. I am sure you have creative names for yours, I know I do.

We have all had that one boss or two or three or may still have the boss that sits in their office “working” all day while we are generally productive throughout the day. (What do they do in those offices all day long?).

I have no answers for you when it comes to why bosses think they can sit in their office and expect their employees to actually do anything. I mean if you’re not working and are earning a paycheck then why do I have to do anything? It is only fair.

Unfortunately, that is not the case.

In many instances the boss (or whatever you want to call them) demands work to be done and expects us to get that work done before a deadline. They want the task done in an inhumanly short time, it has to be perfect, and after all that work is done they take the credit. Geez, thanks.

You would think that somewhere there would be a light bulb moment or the “a-ha!” moment for them but then we would be living in a utopia world.

Side thought:

I was once a manager… I worked as a part-time front end manager (what does that mean? I have no idea) at a local grocery store for two years. I worked first as a cashier/facer (moving product to the front of the shelf so it is presentable).

At the grocery store my first boss was a bit of a jerk. I mean I was sixteen so of course he was a jerk. The dude after him was super nice. He made me feel like I was part of a family and important. I liked that. He is actually the one that told me he would promote me if I could show him a more mature me… I got promoted within the month.

And then came along the guy after my favorite. Um, he was nice… *cough*

After working two years for him (never calling in sick, always do what he demanded of me) I finally found something better and gave him my two weeks notice. For the whole notice he went around talking poorly about me to everyone in the store, said I was stealing his best workers (I kind of was), and berated me for leaving. He made me feel guilty for getting a better job.

He was a boss.

Continuing on:

I am not here to complain about my jerk of a boss or the ones that have preceded him. I want to analyze the differences between a boss and a leader.

I would also like to point out that there are far more bosses than there are leaders. I have worked several jobs in different positions and have had two leaders. Two. The ratio is just astounding.

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See the graphic to the right for a better understanding on the differences between a boss and a leader.

The part that says that leaders say “let’s go” makes me think of the 10th Doctor… Allons-y!!

Ahem, moving on.

I find myself placing my managers in these wee little boxes and finding out which they are. I always end up getting mad that there are even people who are bosses out there in the world. I mean if you can’t get your employees respect why would you continue to be a jerk? Two and two doesn’t equal five, people.

Conclusion:

I am sure you can only handle so much of my ranting tangents, therefore I will conclude the rampage with this:

If you are ever put into a place of authority then please remember the differences between a boss and a leader. Being a leader will help you retain employees for longer and cause you much less headaches than the boss route does.

Be^theBoss.

 

Ranting… No Raving

Today I want to write about two subjects that have my blood going a wee bit crazy this week.

The first subject is what offends me and what doesn’t offend me.

Listen here people, I grew up with FIVE older siblings. There isn’t much that you can say to me that will offend me. Unless you are insulting my family, and just focusing on me, there is a lot you can say.

However, (always a but, right? Not this time) when you insult the characteristics of who I am, what I am worth, or my intelligence. Well, then we have a problem.

I stumbled over a blogger’s post yesterday evening (or was it Monday?) and it was in regard to how people view video games and their reactions on the topic. You would think, as I did, that it would be filled with sources and actual thought….

Not even a little.

This dude wrote that video games improve your vision…

IMPROVE your vision.

If that doesn’t give you an idea of what garbage I read, then please continue.

He went on to attack Old Religious People (why?), Feminists (of course), extroverts (umm, okay?), Science Professors (I am LOLing here), AND the regressive left (because why not?). And that ladies and gentleman is why people do not take gamers seriously.

This kid is actually trying to give me “facts” that back up his statements. The sources are not even sources, are opinions of people (not the vast majority), and an article he misinterpreted.

I know I find myself in arguments with dumb people that I can’t win, but I hope that someone else sees this and understands his ignorance.

You can’t fix dumb… Unfortunately.

Okay, I am done ranting.

The second thing I want to tell is that I am FINALLY starting to outline my novel (with the best story angles) and have started with actually writing it.

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Ignore the stupid chapter name

 

 

This story has been stuck in my head for two years and seriously needs to get out. Like right now. You know, before I forget anything.

Anyway, that is all I have for you today. I hope you are entertained enough by this to wait for another post in a few more days. Or five.

Xbox or PlayStation?

I deactivated my Facebook last week after I had a not so friendly conversation with a little boy about the world of Xbox and PlayStation. He informed me that I am clearly unaware of the business aspects of either company (I neglected to mention my own stint of running a business. Oops). At the very end of every day can you guess what any company really cares about?

Money. Profit. Growth.

Duh.

My amazing husband did a blog about why he prefers Xbox to PlayStation. You can read it here. I share his opinions.

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With all of that being said, allow me to continue.

I have not experienced gaming on every console ever made. Sorry. However, I did start my gaming life at a very young age. I cannot tell you how old I was because I have been gaming the entirety of my memory. That should tell you something.

I have five older siblings. Let’s get this out of the way first. My oldest brother (we will call Tom) is ten years older than me, the next one (Hank) is seven years older than me, and the last one (Phil) is two years and give a few months older than me. (I also have two sisters but they don’t game).

So you can imagine where I got my love for rock music and video games from, right?

Anyhoozers.

Tom and Hank convinced our parents (with their magical powers) to let them get a Super Nintendo… If you don’t know what that is then please turn in your “nerd” card.
After so many years of playing that (again no idea how old I was) they got a Nintendo 64. I remember Mario in its finest. I remember Donkey and Diddy Kong. I remember Golden Eye. I remember Mortal Kombat. I remember trying SO hard to be better than my brothers. Yeah, cuz that was gonna happen.

What I am trying to get at is that gaming has been my life for my WHOLE life. I am not one of those girls who is a “gamer gurl.” Not me. Actually I am the kind that does a REALLY good job of hiding that side of me. I mean, if you completely neglect the N7 jacket I wear.

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The point of this post is not to inform you of my serious nerdiness, but to allow you to understand the depth of that nerdiness.

Which brings me to my next point.

I. Am. An. Xbox. Fan.

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Plain and simple. There is LITERALLY (correct usage of the word here people. Pay attention.) nothing you or anyone else (husband included) that could ever convince me to become a PlayStation fan. Not happening.

Allow me to tell you why.

First, my memories of PlayStation (one and two) are of Spyro (love that guy), the new weird Mortal Kombats, any sports game you can think of, and Final Fantasy. That is it.

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When I think of Xbox I think of Mass Effect, Halo, Knights of the Old Republic,  and Deus Ex: Invisible War. Just to name the ones that come to mind. Now I realize that these games are also accessible on the PC and some (Mass Effect) are now on the PlayStation but not the point, okay? These games scream Xbox to me.

Second, the controller dude, the controller. I cannot STAND the PlayStation controller. And don’t come at me with, “Oh but you’re just an Xbox fan so blah blah blah.” I have played both. I spent a lot of time on the first two PlayStations. Shut your cake hole (Supernatural anyone?).

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Third, the dashboard and interface of the Xbox is more readily accessible and easily understandable. I have watched the husband mess around on his PS4 (yes, yes it lives in my house) and I get SO beyond lost. The Xbox allows you to customize the interface just a bit more than the PlayStation. By a bit more I mean that you can’t do shit on the PlayStation to make it your own. I am pointing this out because I am first a woman and second a ten year old child.

I am not trying to say that people should not play PlayStation (play play?). I am trying to point out why I love Xbox versus PlayStation. I will point out that it seems like more young people buy PlayStation and parents buy PlayStation for their children. Or so it seems to me. My husband says that Xbox janked up their release. I can agree with that since I continued to play Skyrim long after the Xbox One was released.

Anyway, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this little semi-rant!