Six Years of Marriage

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It’s been another year.

365 days have passed since the last time we were here, saying Happy Anniversary.

525600 minutes since the last time we celebrated this day.

This day that marks the day we said “I do.”

This day since we said our vows and promised forever.

One whole year.

Marriage

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If you’ve read my past posts, you’ll come across one that I wrote detailing how my husband and I met. In short, it was at a grocery store and a conversation about Mass Effect ensued.

We’ve been married now for six years. That’s what happens when time passes and you’re living your life day-to-day.

It is crazy to me that it has been six years, that this year is 2018, and that I am now 26 years old.

Where the hell did all that time go?

It rushes past us without us barely even noticing.

Pictures allow us to travel back in time and relive moments. Pictures and memories are all that we have to cling to our past and the time that has passed.

But the day-to-day is just as important as those pictures and major memories that we hold on to.

On a typical day, we wake up at six in the morning, we shower, we get ready for work, we feed and take out the pets, and we leave for work. Once our shifts are over, we come home, make dinner, play video games or read, and go to sleep.

Rinse and repeat.

We do not go on exciting adventures. We do not have children. We do not live lives of luxury.

We simply are.

Yet, so many don’t make it this far.

Marriages crumble before they ever mold together.

That is why we receive this question so frequently:

What do you guys do to make it work?

People seem to think that I’ve cast some sort of magical enchantment to get my husband to help me around the house or laugh at my stupid jokes. They would rather believe in hocus pocus than the power of marrying your best friend.

What DO we do?

Date Night

I am the youngest of six children. I have grown up in a broken home and did not have a solid couple as role models for what marriage should look like.

Yet, I knew what kind of husband I wanted: I wanted him to be my best friend.

So when I met my husband and we got to know one another over a couple of months, I thought I was really close.

After a few months of dating, I realized that I had met my best friend.

In that moment, I knew what I had. I had found the one whom I wanted to keep by my side for the rest of my life.

Gross, right?

Not at all. When it comes to building a relationship, it is important to think about what is going to keep that relationship going.

Obviously love can fade. Children can cause marital problems. Shit happens.

So what keeps a marriage together?

Friendship.

Being with someone that you can laugh with, share everything with, and have a connection to regardless of what happens in your day-to-day lives.

Simply being there for the other person through every step, every stone, every boulder that life throws at you.

Supporting them, caring for them, empowering them, and being there for them.

Being selfless when it comes to the well being of the person you share your life with.

Why doesn’t that work all the time?

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Because our innate nature is to be selfish. To care more for us, our well being, our self worth, our little minds – so much that we can’t look to caring for anyone besides our own self.

That, my friends, is true love.

To give of yourself for someone else without expecting anything in return.

Selfless.

That’s how we do it.

And that’s how we will do it for the rest of our lives.

Anniversary

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So Happy Anniversary, my love.

Here’s to six more years and six more years after that and after that and after that…

May my enchantment be one that holds your forever.

Happy Anniversary

 

4 years. 208 weeks. 1460 days.

That’s how long I have been married to my husband.

On October 20, 2012 at 6:00 p.m. I married my husband, my best friend, my life partner.

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We look kind of dorky 🙂 

We had spent the entire day alone (bad idea) until the moment I walked down the aisle to my smiling soon-to-be-spouse.

Despite what everyone seems to think, the wedding day wasn’t the best part of our marriage, it has been every single day after that day.

In the past four years I have had the best four years of my life because of one person, my husband.

Without that man beside me every single day for the past four years, I would not have experienced two cruises, my silly Corgi, my true passion (writing), and that every day can be a lot better because of one person.

The wedding day didn’t celebrate my marriage to him, it didn’t set the standard for what we would expect for the rest of our lives, all the days following have done that.

Without him I would not be who I am today.

 

When people ask me howanniversary-selfie I have managed to have a wonderful marriage I also respond with, “I married my best friend.”

Is it the most perfect marriage? Do I sometimes want to smack him with a skillet? Do I want to have my own space sometimes? Do we fight?

Absolutely. But nothing makes me want to quit. Nothing would ever be worth saying goodbye to him. Nothing  would make it okay for me to go to bed and wake up the next day without him next to me. He has become my constant of everyday, he has become my sanctuary, he has become the reason I wake up every single morning.

No one said marriage is easy (because they would be damn crazy if they did) but, if you find the person who fits you best, it will be life changing.

Find the person who will change your life for the better. Find someone who makes you smile just by looking at them. Find someone you want to fall asleep next to for the rest of your life. Once you find that person everything else will be easy (somewhat).

Happy Anniversary, my love.

5 Worst And Best Effects Of Divorce On Children

 I am a child of divorced parents.

Not only have my parents been divorced since right after I graduated high school but they have divorced two times before that, remarried each time, and left one another numerous times in between. It was crazy.

Most children experience their parents divorce, the parents stay divorced, and then eventually remarry to other people which causes the child to have step family members.

Divorce is confusing, a struggle for the children, and a complete mess. I don’t care who you are, divorce sucks.

There are some good and bads that can come from divorced parents. I am going to lean on there being more bad but that depends on the child and the parents. My experience with it is more bad than good, however at my age now I can understand and respect my parents decisions. Did they handle each one well? Um, no, but that doesn’t mean every mom and dad will.

Lets do the bad first, okay?

5 Worst Effects of Divorce on Children

  1. The child (children) see less of at least one parent. Someone has to be the one to provide the home, the food, clean laundry, and make sure the homework is done. Most of the time it is the mom but sometimes it happens to fall to the dad. But at least one parent gets to see their children less.
  2. The child (children) might fear love or marriage itself. I remember telling my high school best friend that I didn’t believe in love or marriage and that neither were for me… Annnnnnd I got married at twenty. But hey I am still happily married.
  3. The fighting doesn’t stop. Some children may experience their parents continue to fight even after the divorce and dust has settled. My parents stopped, for the most part. The house became quiet and it was kind of nice. No more walking on eggshells (not literally).
  4. Some children may believe that the divorce was caused because of them. At no point should any child feel like this. If mom and dad are going their separate ways then they should make sure that the kid knows it wasn’t their fault. Mom and dad have some issues that they can’t get past/we hate each other/dad or mom is a jerk (don’t use this one)/or just deciding that staying married isn’t in the best interests of either party. Be honest with your children. Talk to them.
  5. Children can become traumatized from the divorce. I have no idea if I was traumatized or maybe still am, who knows? I know that every time it happened it felt like the first time. Confusing, sad, difficult. Parents are supposed to be together forever, right?
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There is no reason for this picture… Except that it has a cupcake on it.

 

5 Best Effects of Divorce on Children (this is a thing, right?)

  1. The fighting stops. This is what happened with my parents. The daily arguing ended and there were peaceful dinners with casual conversation rather than listening to an argument in the other room. I was just a kid each time or eventually had a job, so the quiet dinners were only something I enjoyed as a kid.
  2. The child (children) may get the opportunity to become closer to mom or dad. After my father left when I was sixteen I grew to really like my mom. I went through the whole disliking my parents thing but after seeing her after he left… I don’t know. I just liked her more after that. I can thank those couple of years for the relationship I have with her now. (If you read this mom, I love you).
  3. Some children may become more empathetic, knowledgeable, gain Emotional Intelligence, become independent, or become a higher achiever. It may be that some kids are more prone to these already. Who knows if divorce is the cause. I became most of these but it could have been my temperament from the very beginning. This article discusses how some kids may benefit from divorce, Benefits of Being a Child of Divorce.
  4. The child (children) may learn that it is OKAY to leave someone you’re not happy with or causes you harm. By doing this you could be instilling confidence in your child (children). Instead of thinking they have to stick with a relationship, even if it is making them unhappy, they can leave with a happy heart and clear mind.
  5. For the children who grew up or are in a house with an abusive parent or are not able to live a childhood correctly due to their home life, divorce is a great answer. Some get to escape that life through divorce or separation at the very least. I am fortunate enough to not have dealt with that but others are not as fortunate as I have been.

Nothing about divorce is cut and dry, there will always be complications, sadness, and tears when it comes to divorce. Sometimes it is for the best (especially if mom and dad handle it correctly) but often times it is a struggle.

Parents should take the time to go through this article to see how they can be of more help to their children through the transition of having parents together and then not.

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Reasons why I love my Husband

We could talk about politics, black lives matter, how we are moving to Canada if XYZ win the Presidential Election, or the world in general, cuz let’s face it, we live in a shitty world.

We could talk about all the negativity and horribleness that is going on in the world.

We could talk about inequality, how racism is a hot subject, and how the media is ruining our lives.

You know, first-world shit… Because really, you think people in India, Africa, or Brazil are waking up every morning worrying about ANY of this? Nope, just us. So think about how lucky  we are that we can wake up or come home from work and argue with our friends on social media with our new smartphone?

So just shut up and read on.

I am so tired of talking about all of the above so I was happy to see one of my friends share one of her pictures of her now husband and her with the hashtag #loveyourspousechallenge.

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Forty pounds ago… Sigh.

Not only am I now participating in this challenge but it has made me think about how little we speak highly of our spouses. I mean really, we did when we were dating (best foot forward) but after a while it just… stops.

So does dating. When you first meet someone you go on weekly dates, to dinner, the movies, walking at night with the stars and empty sky stretching above you forever more… But that’s the fairy tale bit.

My husband and I met in January of 2011. I reminisce in that story in a previous post that you can read here to catch up. You read it? Okay, let’s continue

So we met at the grocery store and right now you’re thinking “psh, what freakin nerds.” You’re not wrong. I haven’t shared some info, and my mom may not even know this (Hi momma!!), but I was actually seeing someone when my husband and I met… Not like I cheated on the dude but I was very aware of the potential my husband had to become, well, my husband. We fit that well even before we started seeing each other.

What I love the most about our story is how he took the time to basically court me. You know that thing people used to do way back in the day when the dude when have dinner with the parents and then the two would sit out on the front porch talking? Yeah, that doesn’t happen anymore. Bring it back! So anyway, he courted me. Not in a super traditional way but he would come see me at work, he would meet me at the college and talk to me before his class started and after mine had ended, and he would meet me for lunch. The best part was that I didn’t feel like he was trying to become my boyfriend, we just became friends.

One night my good friend, Jake, and I were out doing things you do when you’re bored in small town; drive around. I messaged my husband on Facebook (we hadn’t exchanged phone numbers) and told him that I was going to find his house.

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I have no idea what I was doing…

I knew that he had gone with his stepdad had been to a nearby city and back, he had made a giant heart in the snow in their front lawn, and that he lived around where the college was. That’s all I had to go on.

Needless to say it was a bit of a fruitless adventure and could have become embarrassing had I knocked on a door thinking it was the house that belonged to him.

Nevertheless we finally came to his house… We drove up and there he was out on his front porch, freezing his ass off waiting for some girl he hardly knew, in the middle of winter, and late in the evening. My heart smiled just a little that night. Somehow we convinced him to crawl into the back seat and go along with us on our random adventure.

My friend drove us to what is called Tower Hill and it was great, until we got stuck in the snow. Stuck stuck… My husband, without a second thought, jumped out of the car and started pushing. When he freed us of our potentially ruined night, my friend turned toward me and said, “Jennifer, marry him.”

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May, 2016… How can you not love that smile?

So I did …

In the midst of that story includes several reasons why I love my husband, why he so special to me, and why there is no one else out there for me.

  1. He is selfless
  2. He is thoughtful
  3. He helps people without taking anything for reward
  4. He would do anything for me (even after almost four years of marriage)
  5. He did right by me by waiting for me to end my relationship, to befriend me, and to become my absolute favorite person
  6. He bought me so many Angry Birds just because he loved how happy they make me (they’re so cute!!!)
  7. He would meet me for lunch (I was still in High School) even if he had spent the whole night playing video games
  8. He has ALWAYS spoken highly of me to his friends, family, and strangers when I am around him and even when I am not there
  9. I know that he will take care of me for the rest of my life
  10. I have known from a very early point that he will do whatever he needs to in order to make sure I am happy
  11. He puts up with my moods, my quirkiness, and my random bouts of oddness (they happen more often than I would like to admit)
  12. He doesn’t say no to me even if he doesn’t want to do something that I wanna do (watch a movie or a TV show he hates)
  13. He puts up with my strange and ever changing music
  14. He is literally my sanctuary, my comfort, and my favorite part of every day
  15. He makes me a better person

So there, you have fifteen explanations as to why I love my husband…

I consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have found him at such an early age (we married right after I turned 20). I could have spent several more years without ever meeting him. Yuck, I would’ve had to date so many more idiots.

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I will lift anything in life, so long as I can be with you

The Librarian We All Wish We Had

I need to apologize. I had promised you all a little something everyday. The only problem is, I’ve had a perpetual brain fart in the last two days. So for that, I am sorry. I have also been quite busy. My fiancé and I went for a little viewing with our photography to see the […]

via — The Struggling Librarian

The Married Life

Marriage is like participating in a wild game of middle school dodgeball.

For those of you who are married or have been married for some time will understand my reference.

Picture an intense game of dodgeball.

You may be asking yourself, “Why dodgeball?” or “What would you dodge in marriage?”

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It isn’t all Disney fairytales people… more like the Grimm fairytales.

In the past year I have seen several of my friends and acquaintances go through either a separation (which ended in divorce) or divorce.

I know, I know you are thinking about that stupid statistic that says that basically half of the people who get married are going to get divorced. Don’t be a statistic.

Do you know how many of those friends and acquaintances went to marriage counseling (counseling in general) or did counseling before tying the knot?

None.

Why would you agree to a commitment (cuz that is what marriage is ladies and gentleman) and not go to some form of counseling?

Moving on.

I recently read a blog by Gamer’s Wifey (read it here)  and it was over marriage and gaming… She states that her research came back that there were 3 million Google hits for “video games and divorce.” And that’s just the nerds.

So what about everyone else?

The world, life, society, etc. wants to see us fail. Plain and simple. We get jealous of what other’s have and we WANT it. (Gollum and The One Ring, anyone?).

Over the years of my relationship, and marriage to my husband, we have heard countless times, “We really look up to you guys” or “You guys are an inspiration for our relationship (marriage).”

Do you think I am a witch and performed some kind of magical spell? (Only in my Dungeons and Dragons world). Or do you think that our life together is all Unicorns and fairy dust? Just because I don’t post, “Shelby is the biggest butt-face in the whole world” all over Facebook doesn’t mean that we don’t argue or fight. What couple DOESN’T argue or fight?

The point is, is that no one is perfect. Don’t envy someone for what they have because it is what you want. Go out there and BE the person you want to find. Being in a relationship or being married is like dodgeball because everyone is throwing stuff at you all the time, trying to knock you out of the game. Don’t let them.

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Don’t let other’s discourage you from being happy.

And if you can’t find out what is wrong then please seek some counseling.

Find a minister or pastor or whatever if you are religious or go see someone with a degree in Psychology and Counseling. Just go do SOMETHING.

ANYTHING is worth more than throwing it all away.