5 Worst And Best Effects Of Divorce On Children

 I am a child of divorced parents.

Not only have my parents been divorced since right after I graduated high school but they have divorced two times before that, remarried each time, and left one another numerous times in between. It was crazy.

Most children experience their parents divorce, the parents stay divorced, and then eventually remarry to other people which causes the child to have step family members.

Divorce is confusing, a struggle for the children, and a complete mess. I don’t care who you are, divorce sucks.

There are some good and bads that can come from divorced parents. I am going to lean on there being more bad but that depends on the child and the parents. My experience with it is more bad than good, however at my age now I can understand and respect my parents decisions. Did they handle each one well? Um, no, but that doesn’t mean every mom and dad will.

Lets do the bad first, okay?

5 Worst Effects of Divorce on Children

  1. The child (children) see less of at least one parent. Someone has to be the one to provide the home, the food, clean laundry, and make sure the homework is done. Most of the time it is the mom but sometimes it happens to fall to the dad. But at least one parent gets to see their children less.
  2. The child (children) might fear love or marriage itself. I remember telling my high school best friend that I didn’t believe in love or marriage and that neither were for me… Annnnnnd I got married at twenty. But hey I am still happily married.
  3. The fighting doesn’t stop. Some children may experience their parents continue to fight even after the divorce and dust has settled. My parents stopped, for the most part. The house became quiet and it was kind of nice. No more walking on eggshells (not literally).
  4. Some children may believe that the divorce was caused because of them. At no point should any child feel like this. If mom and dad are going their separate ways then they should make sure that the kid knows it wasn’t their fault. Mom and dad have some issues that they can’t get past/we hate each other/dad or mom is a jerk (don’t use this one)/or just deciding that staying married isn’t in the best interests of either party. Be honest with your children. Talk to them.
  5. Children can become traumatized from the divorce. I have no idea if I was traumatized or maybe still am, who knows? I know that every time it happened it felt like the first time. Confusing, sad, difficult. Parents are supposed to be together forever, right?
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There is no reason for this picture… Except that it has a cupcake on it.

 

5 Best Effects of Divorce on Children (this is a thing, right?)

  1. The fighting stops. This is what happened with my parents. The daily arguing ended and there were peaceful dinners with casual conversation rather than listening to an argument in the other room. I was just a kid each time or eventually had a job, so the quiet dinners were only something I enjoyed as a kid.
  2. The child (children) may get the opportunity to become closer to mom or dad. After my father left when I was sixteen I grew to really like my mom. I went through the whole disliking my parents thing but after seeing her after he left… I don’t know. I just liked her more after that. I can thank those couple of years for the relationship I have with her now. (If you read this mom, I love you).
  3. Some children may become more empathetic, knowledgeable, gain Emotional Intelligence, become independent, or become a higher achiever. It may be that some kids are more prone to these already. Who knows if divorce is the cause. I became most of these but it could have been my temperament from the very beginning. This article discusses how some kids may benefit from divorce, Benefits of Being a Child of Divorce.
  4. The child (children) may learn that it is OKAY to leave someone you’re not happy with or causes you harm. By doing this you could be instilling confidence in your child (children). Instead of thinking they have to stick with a relationship, even if it is making them unhappy, they can leave with a happy heart and clear mind.
  5. For the children who grew up or are in a house with an abusive parent or are not able to live a childhood correctly due to their home life, divorce is a great answer. Some get to escape that life through divorce or separation at the very least. I am fortunate enough to not have dealt with that but others are not as fortunate as I have been.

Nothing about divorce is cut and dry, there will always be complications, sadness, and tears when it comes to divorce. Sometimes it is for the best (especially if mom and dad handle it correctly) but often times it is a struggle.

Parents should take the time to go through this article to see how they can be of more help to their children through the transition of having parents together and then not.

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The Stickle and the Lid

I once saw a stickle
And I observed how sad
This stickle was

He hurt inside like so
Under his lid
Yes his lid
A lid that is on top of his shoe
It keeps the rain off of him

His lid is his home
His home is in a shoe
The shoe is under a roof
The roof is a roof that is torn and tattered
Worn and battered

And this stickle set all alone
Outside of his home
Under his lid
As it rained and rained
He sat there

Crying

And when I saw him
I too wanted to cry
For he looked so sad

Crying

All alone in the rain
Under his lid on top of his shoe
Of a home

But his tears were not made of water and salt
But of chocolate syrup
Yes chocolate syrup

I wondered why he cried
And why his tears were chocolate
I love chocolate
And I wonder if he does too

It doesn’t make any sense I thought
Crying his chocolate
He must be lonely
I must speak to him

But why

He is a stickle
And they’re never sad
But glad
So weird
And now I am scared

He cried
Oh how he cried his chocolate syrup
Then he started to sputter

Walk and talk walk and talk
You walk
Yes walk
You talk all the clock
Yes clock

You use your eating gadget
Yes that thing
That forms your pathetic self

The stickle then looked at me
I looked quickly away
And when I looked back at the stickle
He was glaring at me

Then he jumped up and said

YOU HUMANS
Oh you pathetic
Yes pathetic
HUMANS

Walk talk walk talk

He said this here jazz
As he gawked around
Humoring himself

You think you’re all okay
But you’re not
That’s right you’re not

You rot
You STINK

I raised an eyebrow

WE STINK?
I challenged
stepping closer to him

Realizing that I am much taller than this stickle
I roared

We me I
Do not stink
At least WE
Yes WE
Do not live in a shoe
Yes a shoe

And at least WE are not a piece of poo
You
You
YOU

STICKLE

I shouted
Staring at him
Fuming

He laughed
Yes he laughed

Which took me by surprise

Then he started to cry

Under his lid
In his home in a shoe
The shoe is under a roof
The roof is a roof that is torn and tattered
Worn and battered

And then I asked him
Out of pure curiosity

Stickle, why do you cry
Why do you cry chocolate syrup

Standing up abruptly once more
He answered

You HUMANS
All you humans torture and hurt yourselves and others
I am crying for YOU
For hope that you will learn to love
And not torture yourselves and others
As I have

You and your perfect world
You think everything is okay
And everyone is happy
BUT
Yes but

You don’t completely think of everyone
What about ME and my kind
What are we supposed to do
We learn about you humans
Studying you every day
But you do nothing
Yes nothing
For us

I cry for you
And your country

It will rot human
Yes rot
It may not happen today
But someday
Yes someday
And I will not cry for you
Because when it happens
You will not deserve my tears
No not my tears

He sat back down
Grumbling and mumbling

I stared at the stickle
Under his lid
In the rain

Mumbling and crying

I was shocked that such a creature
Could be so smart
And he knew the truth
For he observed

And now I wonder
What will happen to us
To them

I looked again at the stickle

Crying

Under his lid
His home of a shoe
Under the roof that is torn and tattered
Worn and battered

Yes I looked at him
In fear

Turned and ran

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That “down” Feeling

Ever wake up and you just have this “down” feeling in the pit of your stomach? It correlates with feeling unmotivated and slightly more introverted.

I get this feeling more than I like to admit. Every day I try to put a smile on my face and hide the true feelings I have inside. The worst of these feelings is self-doubt.

I am CONSTANTLY doubting my ability to do pretty much anything in life. I have accomplished marrying the most perfect man imaginable. Beyond that I have managed my own clothing store (barely), annnnnnnd that is pretty much it.

Why am I writing such a poor me story today?

Let me tell you.

I am human…

Yup, and so are you (unless you are secretly an alien from Jupiter, then please be my friend).

Today I am doubting my ability to become a writer. Of pretty much anything. I hate interviewing people because awkward, and my papers bleed red when I get them back. Even my small articles I am writing for a comm class. Um hello, thanks for the encouragement.

Now I can take this feedback in one of two ways.

Either accept that this career path may be challenging and I may not become a super awesome writing genius, but try my freaking guts out.

OR

I can find some other major to graduate with and work some job I don’t feel particularly excited to go to each day.

Been there, done that.

That kind of job is NOT want I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write to make people laugh, to cry, to see a story the way I do, and generally entertain.

I cannot do that if I give up.

But every day will continue to be a struggle to put the brave face on and go with it. I can only do as much as I tell myself I can do. And I don’t want to give up.

I have other feelings that I shove deep down into the dark abyss of my inner tummyness, but you don’t get to read about those today.

If you are feeling particularly self-doubting then please remember that you fail at the things that you tell yourself you will fail at. Dreams are supposed to encourage and push us to complete them. What is the point of having dreams if you’re not going to try your damndest to complete them? Some dreams you’ve got there.

My dream is to write (actually sit down and write) the novel in my head, to write for an online publication so I can work from home, have several babies with my spouse, and to have a whole bunch of dogs (mostly Corgi’s).

Don’t give up on your dreams because they seem so far out of reach or possibly impossible.

Be you.

Shaving Cream

The husband and I… Being us 🙂

With that little bit of depressing text I will bit you all a happy Thursday. Keep in mind that there is one day between you and sleeping in. Kudos to you for taking it one day at a time.

EXTRA BIT:

If you are looking for something a little less depressing and with a possible happy ending then go here to read my fanfiction story. My super awesome husband that I have mentioned many times also has his own blog. His are a little less depressing and much more informationy. Go here to check his out.

 

 

 

 

The Loss of a Loved One

There is something I would like to discuss with my readers or the world in general.

You know that icky feeling you get when you lose someone? I don’t know about all of you but I get that feeling even when I know someone who loses someone close to them. Doesn’t even matter if I am not close to that person; I feel their pain.

That feeling is called empathy. According to the Oxford Dictionary empathy is defined as:

The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

If that doesn’t give you goose bumps then you need to go watch something frightening just to make sure you have feelings.

I have worked in customer service in retail for six years and now at a local bank for almost one year. I have met a ridiculous amount of people (co-workers and customers) who have lost someone close to them or experienced a trying life. It always amazes me how these people handle loss and the struggles of life.

These people will tell you that it is life, and life goes on.

True, certainly, but holy cow. What did this person go through in order to feel almost completely detached from the situation? I’m not kidding people I become an emotional bag of tears when someone tells me something sad. I cry when I get angry. I work my tear ducts almost daily. For example, you know the videos on Facebook of the soldier coming home from wherever and their girlfriend/wife/dog greet them upon their return? Yeah?

Emotional.

Bag.

Of.

Freaking.

Tears.Kid-in-puddle-of-tears

All over the place. We are talking blubbering snot tears. The gross crying. The crying that means “Please God do not let this ever be me.” Because we ALWAYS hope that someone’s else’s pain will not be ours. Awesome, right?

So there are those really strong people you know have been through some major shit, and then there are the people you see who mention their loss and you see their eyes glaze over and you KNOW they are remembering their loved one. How does ANYONE not cry in that situation? Tears man, I become a mess.

I often wonder what they heck my emotional tear bags are doing working around people who are going to lose someone and then tell me…

Oh don’t mind me, I am just going to blubber over in the corner for you and the sadness I see in your eyes…

What brought me to thinking about this is in the past two months my hometown has lost several young people. My current town has lost several of its residents in this small timeframe as well. I don’t know if that is a sign of how 2016 is going to be, but I certainly hope not.seal

You know the song Hello by Adele? I mean how can you not, it is playing everywhere you go. Well, Boyce Avenue did a cover version of it and I currently have it on repeat on my phone because I felt too much this week.

I hope that every person that experiences loss can find comfort in SOMETHING and know that someone is thinking about them and hoping they are doing okay.

You are never alone even in your most darkest, loneliest times. Someone is always with you or a phone call away. And if you don’t have someone like that then comment on here and I will be that person for you.

Seriously guys, life is far too short to live it alone.

I also delve in a little bit of fanfiction. Check it out here! My husband, Mr. Steiner, writes video game reviews! Check them out here!